Romeo&Cinderella ♡ Roleplay

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For a moment, everything was fine enough, everything was what she expected it to be. Even though she didn't feel she deserved it, she wasn't surprised when Renji pulled her hug closer, burying his face into her shoulder and trembling slightly, but no longer calling him stupid. In fact, he says nothing at all, but Akemi takes this as being due to his overwhelming emotion at the moment, and therefore accepts it. Even though she blames herself for this pain in him, and therefore thinks herself cruel for being near him, she will not go away from the young man. She has been with him, even if from afar, ever since the two were young, all those years ago, and hates the idea of them being separated again. It could be okay. I can be a better person for him, I know I can. Please, just let me have this. I know I'm selfish and resentful and terrible, but please let me have this, if only this, she thinks to herself, hugging him close to her and accepting this position as a support system. "It's ok-" the young woman begins, before being pushed away by Renji, who looks at her with an expression she doesn't think she has seen before. Akemi can only stare at him for a moment, unsure what to say or what to do. She is frozen in place by his expression and his actions, her heart seeming to stop for the briefest of moments.

"I'm not amazing, Akemi, he says in a hoarse voice, staring at her in a way that nearly kills her inside a little bit. She opens her mouth to deny this statement, but before she can do so he continues. And the next words he speaks are like a knife to the young woman's heart, thrust in and twisted around in order to ensure that the damage is completely done. "I can't keep...doing this. We can't- this can't work," he tells her, looking Akemi in the eyes with an expression of pain and perhaps just a hint of accusation. Akemi releases a small gasp, as though she is feeling actual, physical pain at the words he says to her. She has to stop herself from staggering forward, from falling to the ground right at that moment. Of course. He's realized, hasn't he? I'm a virus, aren't I? A leech who selfishly lives off of other people. I'm nothing but a parasite, and he's getting away before it is too late, she thinks, struggling to keep tears from coming to her eyes, knowing that doing so would only hurt him more than she already has. At that moment, in a special sort of agony reserved for moments like these, she can only imagine what sort of pain she has put him through, and the fact that surely she deserves this. Why else would Renji, sweet Renji, act this way? If it weren't for her horrible flaws and demons, this wouldn't be happening. The knot in her stomach yanks and yanks, her breathing something she must struggle to control as she begins to feel a bit sick.

She can hardly hear the rest of his words, so shaken up with the impact of it. She can hear ringing through her ears, resounding and inaudible to anyone else because it exists entirely in her own mind. His voice sounds very far away, muffled by some invisible wall. "I can't let you...do this to yourself," his voice explains, but she can hardly hear it as his voice through the block in her mind. "Do you know how many times I think of those years that I can't remember? How many times I wonder what kind of person I was, and what kind of promises I made? I've broken so many of them just because I can't remember, and now I'm letting you take some of the blame. And..." he pauses for a moment, perhaps to collect his thoughts, but that is meaingless to her.

And it's my fault. You should let me take the blame, because it is MY FAULT, she screams internally, and yet finds any attempt at speaking to be stuck in her throat, voice broken with emotion and her body trembling like a leaf caught in a horrible storm. "I just can't do this anymore. I. . " he doesn't finish the words, looking at her for a while longer. She has a chance at that moment. A chance to reach out and deny it all, to hug him so that he cannot leave her. But she stands there uselessly, upright and yet limp, until he walks away. As he walks away, she knows she cannot follow him, and not only because she is frozen to this spot. It is because she fears hurting him more- fears being a parasite that will ruin his life because it refuses to release him. If this is what he needs, then what right does she have to stop him? That would only make her an even worse person. Even her mind goes blank now as he disappears around a corner, heading off to the nurse's office, though she doesn't think of that at the moment. She only thinks of him as being gone. Gone. For three years, she has feared that he would leave her, but that doesn't lessen the blow by any extent.

When she is certain he cannot see nor hear her, Akemi falls to the ground, her knees hitting the cold floor and her hands instantly covering her eyes to hide any evidence. She is almost about to completely break, the pressure against the dam causing it to crack, but the sound of footsteps makes her stop. I'm just a grenade. But I have to minimize the damage, she thinks bitterly, forcing herself to stand up as the teacher comes after them. His voice is dim to her, her eyes seeming to lack emotion for that moment.

"Tsusagawa-san, where did Kashino-san go? You can't just waltz out of class like that. What were you thinking? Why-" his voice fades with awkward shock as he watches tears begin to well up in the eyes of the student before him. After all, she has always been so cheerful and sweet, never really revealing any broken piece of her. "Oh, um, erm, Tsusagawa-san? Is there someone I should, erm, call?" he asks, never really gifted in situations such as these. Akemi only tries to force a smile, shaking her head and sniffing.

"Oh, no, I'm sorry. I'll be fine. I just- may I use the restroom?" she asks, voice the only composed part of her. Unsure what else to say, the teacher only kind of nods. "And Renji- er, Kashino-san, should be in the nurse's office. Please don't punish him. He's just not feeling well," she assures him, before rushing past the teacher to find the bathroom, leaving him dumbly standing there. As soon as Akemi can make it to a bathroom stall, she finally gives in to the pulling knot in her stomach, all of her lunch coming up and into the toilet. Her breathing is heavy and her face pale and weak as she sits on the ground, the stall locked. She pulls her knees closer, ending up in fetal position. At that moment, she allows herself to cry, even while berating herself for doing so. He's the victim, not me. Stop it, Akemi. Don't cry. You don't deserve to cry. Look what you've done to him. What you've done to everyone. It would have been better off if he had met Tomoko in the hospital that day instead of me, she thinks, feeling the knot pull again and vomiting in the toilet once more. Her mouth tastes sour, and her throat raw, but it is the pain in her head and in her chest that dominates her mind.

She feels as though she is going to pass out. All of these things are a sure sign of the Bad Times. She continues to tremble, feeling like death and probably looking it too. The door opens and the sound of two girls walking in can be heard, so she tries to muffle the sound of her own breathing and tears, but not entirely successfully. Still, the two drown her out with their chatter as they check their hair and talk, oblivious to the breaking of the girl in the stall behind them.

Tomoko watched as Akemi broke eye contact with her, cutting loose the link of silent words and emotions the two had exchanged for a possible two seconds. She rushed out of the room, her two hands carrying what must have been Renji's and her own bag. Dully, Tomoko wondered how she managed to think of something as silly as a bag or two in such a situation. The teacher seemed to have stopped her, but Tomoko was not paying too much attention anymore. She, after all, was trying to minimize the amount of time she was forced to look at Akemi's wretched face--especially the ones with worry etched into them. Always thinking about damn Renji. Stupid girl. Tomoko turned her head stiffly to the side and focused on Tetsuya (his face wasn't much fun to look a either, but he was much better than Akemi), who was gulping down his water a little too--

“Mr. Ueda, I could assign group projects while you talk to Kashino-san and Tsusagawa-san,” Tetsuya said, surprisingly calm, considering the Renji fiasco that had left even Tomoko a little unsteady (then again, anything Renji-related left her a little ruffled). Little volcano there seems to have cooled off a bit. He certainly wasn't that cool three years ago, Tomoko thought, a faint smirk lingering over her otherwise unhappy face. Exhaling quietly, the young woman began to collect herself once more, trying to sew her cheery smile and bright eyes back onto her features. But possessiveness and envy still poked at her sides, and the feeling was most unpleasant. So unpleasant, in fact, Tomoko found herself scowling even harder. Come on, Kawashima, she chided herself sternly, get it together. If you sink any lower than this, then you may as well be another damn human with their petty emotions and shallow desires. Besides, that Tetsuya, despite his thick head, will catch on pretty quick if you don't smile and go back to being Tomo-chin. Then he'll never let you heard the en--

"Sulk somewhere else, please. You’re becoming an eyesore."

Shit. Whipping around so that his damn mouth wasn't near her ear anymore (his breath was really, really warm...), she scowled with so much venom, she was surprised he hadn't jumped away. That little bastard--how dare he--too late. She could already feel her cheeks heating up (really heating up) from the humiliation of it all. Why did Tetsuya always manage to make her feel so stupid, so pathetic, so human? Always seeing through her, then voicing it in that annoying as shit mocking manner of his, and then making her want to scream and throw something..."Shut the hell up, Koto," she hissed, her voice beyond furious, "I swear to god I will murder you if you utter one more fuc--" Wait. Tomoko, whose* nose was inches away from Tetsuya's mouth, hesitated. Was that liquor she smelled? Yes, definitely liquor, with the faintest trace of peppermint, too. "Why do you smell like..." she began cautiously, but he was already gone, moving up towards the front of the room, giving the class instructions to who-gives-a-damn.

Try to work hard. Tomoko shot Tetsuya one last glare before smoothing out the features, paling her face. "Already am, you damned bastard," she murmured.

(* = Did I use it correctly?)

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The next two teachers which Akemi might have had, the one for WAP and the one for Calculus, both marked the young woman as absent, or she did not go to either of the next classes. She honestly might have, had she felt well enough to do so, because she isn't normally the sort who will skip classes unless absolutely necessary. But the knot kept tugging, and she wanted to wait until she could at least stand up properly before going. Although she may be rather weak, it is the vomiting that has made her incapable of standing, not the sudden psychological damage that she had just sustained. It hurt more than it had the first time, all those years ago, but only because it had been gradual before. Now, it was a ripping off of the bandage. Well, that seemed to downplay what she was feeling. A more appropriate metaphor would be someone going from chipping away at a tree to cutting it down with one fell swoop. She had nearly passed out at one point during the last three or so hours, because her head had become cloudy from illness. Still, before lunch she manages to force herself to stand up, flushing the toilet one last time. Luckily, no one is in the restroom, and so she is free to exit the stall without suspicious looks. The young woman walks up to one of the sinks and turns on the faucet, using her hands as a dish of sorts to drink the lukewarm water from. It washes away the sour taste in her mouth, at least, and she continues to do that for a few minutes until satisfied, by the fifth time the action having become robotic.

Akemi is not the vain sort by any means, even wearing very simple clothing outside of school, and not customizing the school's uniform when at the educational institution, but she stops and stares at herself in the mirror for a moment. Her eyes are ringed red, a tell-tale sign of crying, and her face is just a bit paler than normal, but unlikely to be noticed. Her hair is a mess, but she fixes that quickly by combing her fingers through the long dark locks. Once she is satisfied with her attempt to pull herself together -or at least has kind of given up on it- the young woman grabs her bag and takes a few deep breaths.After lunch is AP Literature and Composition, then Art, and finally PE at the end. But lunch. . .where will I sit? Maybe it is best to eat in the library. No, that isn't allowed. I don't want to stay in the bathroom, though, she thinks for a moment, before deciding to persevere through a lunch in the cafeteria. She knows the table in the corner, where no one sits because the light just above it is broken and so a shadow is cast over the area. That will be the perfect spot, she decides. The young woman packs her lunch everyday, and therefore has no need to go through the lunch line.

Once the bell can be heard signalling the end of third period, she goes out into the hallway and follows the stream of people making their way to various destinations. She, herself, ends up in the cafeteria. For a moment she instinctively scans the cafeteria for Renji, but remembers that this is in vain. Stupid. I suppose I'll be eating lunch alone from now on. That's alright- I'd only end up putting people off of their food, she thinks genuinely as she makes a beeline for the aforementioned table in the back corner. Her posture is poor, ensuring that no one will notice the rings around her eyes. It occurs to her how little she interacts with her classmates. She occasionally lets them copy her homework or classwork, or accepts their cleanup duty so that they can go home early, but otherwise doesn't speak often to her peers, outside of Renji. When she was younger, this was due to shyness. Perhaps it still is.

Once the young woman sits down, she takes out her lunch box and opens it up to reveal a meal of rice, chicken, vegetables, etc. It comes with a small canteen of lemonade as well. The sight of it makes her feel slightly dizzy. Of course, that may just be the sickness. You have to eat something, or you will just vomit the contents of your stomach. You could develop an ulcer, she reminds herself strictly, but continues to only stare at the food, reluctant to eat any of it.

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Akemi gingerly picked at her food, only managing to movie it around in the plastic tupperware container. Occasionally she does eat the tiniest bit of rice, but that hardly counts for anything, for they have the nutrition value of air in such small quantities. Still, perhaps it is better than absolutely nothing. Normally, at this time of day, Akemi would be cheerfully talking with Renji, discussing their classes or just talking about nothing at all. Maybe they would trade foods, in which case Akemi would usually find a way to give Renji whichever dishes were his favorite. In fact, the young woman always makes a bit of extra lunch with things that she hates but knows that Renji enjoys eating very much, only to claim she is full and give it to him. Instead, she only pushes those bits to the side, ignoring their presence as best she can. I hope he made it to the nurse's well enough. I suppose he went back home. I've worn him down enough that he needs some rest, after all. It's in his best interest for me to not try and interfere anymore, the young woman thinks morbidly, before going in for a few more self-inflicted mental daggers. She hardly notices as a figure walks up to her table, or at least doesn't do so until she hears someone whisper "Why is he going over to her?" a few tables away.

When she looks up, it is into the face of Koto Tetsuya, just before the young man sits down in front of her. Akemi's eyes widen slightly with shock, because normally he would be sitting elsewhere. Anywhere but here, anyway. Perhaps that is mostly because Renji typically sits with her, but whatever the reason this is definitely out of the ordinary. Akemi opens her mouth for a moment to speak, but is beaten to the punch.

"So, I never pegged you as an emo," Tetsuya comments, nodding towards the lights and smiling. Akemi tries not to frown with further confusion at his smile. She's seen it, of course, but only aimed towards others. He doesn't bother smiling at her, perhaps because he knows that she won't fall for the feigned smiles and lighthearted expressions. She has seen his true nature before, after all, even if that was several years ago. An emo? Oh- the lights, Akemi thinks, glancing up towards them as well.

She feels suddenly self conscious as he asks if she is doing alright, remembering her eyes and the slightly sickly paleness of her skin at the moment. "I-I'm fine," she says softly, voice weaker than normal. Realizing that he might be wondering where Renji is, she ignores the newest pain in her chest and tries to explain it. "R-Renji went home early today. H-he. . ." she fades out for a moment, trying to think of how to properly express why she won't be eating with him anymore. Because I am a terrible person. Because I lie and envy and hate, and am not good enough to admit it to people. Because I was a parasite who leeched off of him in order to survive. Because I am so selfish.

"..needed to get away f-from m-me." The answer seems appropriate enough to her, the bare truth. Akemi sits there awkwardly for a moment, her skin heating up with shame and making the paleness a bit less obvious for a moment.

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In her peripheral vision, Akemi can see Tetsuya suddenly turning to look at her, seeming to swallow his drink too quickly for it to go down completely well. Her hands, folded in her lap, press together tightly, her fingers curling to dig the nails into her knuckles sharply. He's judging me, right? That is probably for the best. Even he is above me, after all. Everything ranks above a parasite, even a microscopic plankton in the sea. At least they manage on their own- I only wilt, like some weed plucked away from the lush ground. A weed, she compares herself, sincerely thinking of it as being an accurate metaphor. After all, what else can properly describe a girl who is so weak as to break into tears when someone leaves her? A girl who seems to live off of others, selfish and false. Akemi, skin still ablaze, peeks over towards Tetsuya timidly, not sure what she hopes to see in his expression but not expecting anything more than smugness or disgust. He will probably walk away now, according to her predictions anyway, not wanting to be near her any longer after realizing that even Renji couldn't handle her foul presence anymore.

At first, the emotions on his face surprise her, but she instantly rationalizes it as anger directed towards her for wasting his time by doing anything more than simply sitting silently. Or, perhaps for causing Renji more pain than he, who seems to dislike the young man more than anyone else in this school or area. Maybe even Tetsuya realizes what a crime she must have committed to cause such a person pain, despite his open disdain for those with the personality types like Renji's and, often times, Akemi's. The young woman begins to look away again, but his voice rings in her ears again, controlled and yet holding something beyond normal calmness beneath the voice. She looks back at Tetsuya and visibly flinches at his expression, as though she is being burnt by his gaze, an ant under the magnifying glass of a careless child. "Why did he need to get away from you?" Tetsuya demands of her, and instantly Akemi knows that she should not have said anything. The young man before her dislikes Renji, and is likely to misconceive the situation to believe that it is the boy who is at fault, rather than Akemi. Her murmurings of Renji having to get away from her were some sort of involuntary mention, as though she wants to warn people of how repulsive she is.

"No offense, but if you're going to blush, don't do it in front of the guy you rejected," he adds, making Akemi's eyes widen slightly. After all, though she may still wince away from Tetsuya due to the memories of it, that was several years ago, and the fact that he brings it up now bewilders her. Still, she instantly feels apologetic despite her confusion. "Oh, erm, sorry," she apologizes, but the red face remains, because she can't exactly just turn it off whenever it suits her. If I don't answer the question, he may get angrier. I need to make him understand that Renji isn't as fault, so that he won't accidentally point his distaste in the wrong direction. How do I phrase it, though?

"B-because I was hurting him. I-it isn't his fault!" she rushes to insist, trying to eliminate the possible misunderstanding as quickly as possible, "I just. . .I wasn't. . . .I'm not good. . ." She seems unable to finish her own thoughts, trying multiple times and failing every single time to explain it properly. In the end, she just falls into silence once more, hoping that she has expressed herself clearly.

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Akemi tries to avoid looking at Tetsuya, because his calm and controlled mask is slipping away. For his sake, strangely, she is almost grateful that they are out of the easy sight of most other students, because she is well aware that temper issues are not a part of his sterling reputation. No, Tetsuya, to the students, is an intelligent, controlled, funny, and wealthy individual. Most people here seem to view him as some perfect, other-worldly being even. He does have his own fan club, after all- he has ever since Junior High, something Akemi knows because she was confronted by them once a week after the confession to ask what he had pulled her aside for. In that circumstance, she had lied and said he wanted her to take a cleaning shift- something readily believed by the members, who otherwise may have acted somewhat aggressively towards the frail young woman. No one can remain calm all the time, she muses, still distracting herself from his dark expression as Tetsuya continues to remain silent, apparently lost within his own thoughts or something along those lines, as far as Akemi can see. His calm exterior returns at that moment, as he smoothly takes another peppermint out of his pocket and pops it into his mouth. The young man always smells of peppermint because of his apparent addiction to the little candies. Of course, Akemi has no way to know the real reason for his constant consumption of the treats.

"Say what you will, and think what you want," Akemi can't help but note that his voice is strangely soft, coming off as very serious. Though he may always seem calm, Tetsuya rarely appears incredibly serious, and so Akemi can only wait in silence for the continuation of his thought.

"But in the end, Renji is not and will never be what you want him to be for you. If you still want him, fine. You can go with my blessing. But don't blame yourself when things go south," he says, flashing her a smile so empty that it nearly sends a chill down Akemi's spine. For some reason, out of all the possible things to be angry enough, what he says manages to make Akemi curl her hands into fists that are not of shame, but of frustration and irritation at Tetsuya's words.

"What I want him to be for me? Renji is fine the way he is. I'm the one who isn't good enough. Don't act as though you are better than him- if things go wrong, it is my fault. Don't try and act as though Renji would be the one at fault in this situation, because he isn't. I am," though she is indeed frustrated, it seems to intermix with her lingering sickness, making it seem weaker than it otherwise might have. Besides, at least he did not directly insult Renji. Had he done that, Akemi may have just exploded, in her own kind of way. She has a certain sort of bravery in her ability to withstand blows against her own self, but immediate willingness to stand up for her loved ones.

"You don't know him," she finishes in a mutter.

All throughout second and third period, Tomoko found herself circling pointlessly in a cycle in which girls and boys alike came forward and welcomed her back to Tokyo with bright eyes and asked her curious questions ("Are Americans fat?" "I heard they're gun-loving and violent people..." "Oh, oh! Are they really arrogant?") while she smiled and laughed and flushed and basically renewed everybody's memories on just how sweet and innocent of a girl she was. Thus, by the time the bell rang and the hallways became flooded with crazy juniors and the like, becoming ridiculously savage for the mere thought of "food", Tomoko found herself washed and swept into the cafeteria by the ocean of people and completely, utterly exhausted. Of course, she had dealt with the soreness of her cheeks from all the smiling and the dryness of her throat from all the freaking "tinkling laughter" before, but it truly had been a while since she had received such an, ehm, warm welcome. She had hardly any time to even exhale the tiredness out of herself!

By the time lunch rolled around, most of the school had already heard of the Kawashima girl, the incredibly cute junior who had the brains to go to America and the kindness to come back to take care of her family...rumors and their silly ways of twisting reality. For example, another hot topic commonly found in the ladies' restrooms, was the fact that the "Kawashima chick and charming Koto-senpai were in fact, dramatic gasp, engaged!" Honestly, everything made Tomoko want to laugh. Stupid people and their stupid fantasies, she thought moodily as she strolled through the tables, searching for an empty table, her bento in her left hand. What she really needed was some time to herself--sure, it would be easy to plot down next to Rika and her group of giggling morons and become one herself (with a lot more elegance, though), but she would only become even more irritable, because all the while she blushed and batted her lashes and played with her hair shyly, the sight of Akemi's figure rushing towards the door where Renji had undoubtedly run out of moments ago and Tetsuya's smug face, arrogant face, sadistically smiling face...

Almost humorously, Tomoko caught sight of two of the three people her brain had been unwilling thinking about sitting no more than a few feet away from where she stood, apparently have an argument. Akemi's face was averted from Tetsuya's slightly displeased (well, displeased would be an understatement...) scowl. "Hmm..." Tomoko mused quietly to herself, considering the possibilities. Then, with a tiny nod, she seemed to decide on something and with confident steps, promptly sat down next to Tetsuya, because she favored him over the little sugarball right across from her. Ignoring the stares and whispers, Tomoko composed herself and smiled, though her eyes were as unforgiving as a snakes, "Akemi!" she said, keeping her voice friendly and smooth, "Is Renji alright? I do hope he is. Where is he, actually? Do you know?" Tomoko paused, and then leaned forward, "It was very brave of you, you know, to run after him," she murmured, her voice losing its warmth, "Do tell me, what happened?"

What happened, Akemi? What happened the day I left, the day after that, all the way up until five years later? What happened?

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Akemi's eyes widen, though more with fear than surprise, when Tetsuya leaps up to his feet, towering over her sitting form with an expression that would be enough to make small children run away. She merely sits there rigidly, staring up at him until the young man finally gathers his words together in order to speak. Perhaps speak is not the correct word for it, as his speech is more like acid being spit into the young woman's face. The moment that he insults Renji, Akemi too is on her feet, smaller than him but seeming larger with her own growing anger. She isn't the type to explode with anger often, so one must acknowledge the fact that, when she does, it must be provoked by someone else. Rather than being capable of pushing this frustration to the back of her mind to pile up and gather dust, Akemi practically sees red in front of her opened eyes, her hands tightening even further in to small fists at his insult towards Renji. His words ring once more through her brain, loud as though they were shouted through a megaphone pressed against her ears, and potent enough to shake her typically meek personality to the core.

"Renji is a f*cking piece of Sh*t, and if you don't shut up about his problems being your fault, I'll..." as he trails off, Akemi can feel her hand rising as though in an involuntary action, as though she is about to slap him across the face. Her face is red, but not with embarrassment or shame. No, this is a flush of bitter anger and passion, sketched across her delicate features as her eyes flash with an uncharacteristically dangerous light in them.

"Don't you d-" her words go unspoken, just as she never goes in for the slap which she seemed to have been prepped for. This is because she is interrupted by the cheerful voice of one girl with a black bob and clear blue eyes. Akemi's hand drops to her side and she blinks, as though suddenly gaining a hold of herself once more. Unfortunately, it is more difficult for her to contain anger whenever prospective bad times are coming about. Still, for the moment the flash of fury seems to have subsided as she turns towards Tomoko and smiles, the expression somewhat pained.

"Is Renji alright? I do hope he is. Where is he, actually? Do you know?" There is something about Tomoko that makes Akemi shiver slightly, though she quickly pushes it away. It is strange, considering their history, that Akemi should be one of those who believes Tomoko's little act. "It was very brave of you, you know, to run after him," Tomoko continues, leaning towards Akemi. Something in her voice makes the young woman lean backwards slightly, as though distancing herself from Tomoko, before the rest of the words come out in a voice resembling ice with its chill.

"Do tell me, what happened?" Akemi bites her lip, completely forgetting about Tetsuya at this moment and hardly noticing as he excuses himself and saunters away, her mind going blank at the sight of Tomoko and her stomach beginning to knot all over again. She can't tell whether the young women refers to what happened recently, or many years ago. She decides on the latter.

"I. . .erm," Akemi stammers, falling back into a sitting position as though Tomoko has exerted some invisible force on her and clearing her throat, an ashamed look on her face. She is clearly at a loss for words, losing that short burst of angry courage she had possessed moments ago.

Akemi, who was obviously struggling to find a suitable answer for the questions Tomoko had forcefully shoved onto the girl, was momentarily forgotten as Tetsuya turned around with an angry shake of his head, and stalked off to one of the tables, where his smile had most likely popped into place once more. Following him with her eyes, Tomoko's face remained placid, though she felt the tiniest hint of disappointment at his rather simple departure. No comebacks, no remarks, nothing? Either he was losing his edge, or Akemi had pushed his buttons unknowingly. But as to what kind, Tomoko found herself unable to say. She was never quite sure of their relationship, Akemi and Tetsuya, even before she left Japan. And even now...Tomoko frowned slightly, perhaps out of annoyance. Hindrances. Her worst pet peeve.

Turning her attention back to Akemi, she couldn't help but feel pathetic for the girl. She had about as much backbone as--well, she certainly did have some when it came to Renji, if only just a little. The night when she'd found out about Tomoko, when she'd stood up and spoken as if she were a completely different person...love really could change a person, couldn't it? The thought made Tomoko want to throw something, so she tossed it out of her mind. "You what?" she cut off with a curious tilt of her head, "Ah well. I wish I were there when he'd, well, lost his memory. Was it an accident? Will he ever recover?" She sighed, "Poor Renji. I hope he does. All those summers together, just us three...it'd be a crying shame if he never remembered, no?" Tomoko paused, and then smiled brightly at the girl in front of her, "Well, I have to go--I promised Rika-chan I'd sit with her."

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Akemi is rather grateful for Tomoko's attention having been turned away from her whilst she struggled for an appropriate response to the rapid fire questions posed to her. It at least made her feel a little less nervous, though her stomach continued to twist and turn simply due to the presence of the dark-haired beauty. I'm a terrible human being, aren't I? She has the right to speak harshly for a moment, considering the crimes I have committed, the young woman thinks, looking down at her hands, which are folded in her lap. Akemi's school uniform skirt is long and unaltered, creases ironed with great care, because she only has three of the skirts, and then four shirts -two for winter and two for summer-, meaning she tends to take good care of the outfits. This school is considered a very good one, and the uniforms are a bit out of the lower middle-class young woman's average price range. She doesn't have the same sort of privileges as the wealthier students, such as Tetsuya and the people he has gone over to sit with, possess.

Tomoko's sugary smile returns, face like cold ice cream, sweet but icy, as she turns back to face Akemi. "You what?" Tomoko presses at Akemi's less than informative response. "Ah well. I wish I were there when he'd, well, lost his memory. Was it an accident? Will he ever recover?" Akemi curls her hands together, still under the table and in her lap, tight enough that her knuckles begin to turn a shade of white. Was it an accident? They wondered when it first happened, but could see no motivation. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was my fault, because I withheld the truth from him, she contemplates morbidly, a train of thought which seems to frequently drive through her mind. Whenever she thinks about that night, anyway, which is at least thrice a week.

"Poor Renji. I hope he does. All those summers together, just us three...it'd be a crying shame if he never remembered, no?" A pained expression flickers across Akemi's features, prompted by the little remark. Though Tomoko says 'just us three', even Akemi is not so naive as to not understand the meaning behind the message. Those summers, after all, were not the three of them for long, as Akemi faded away from the group like a stain removed with bleach. Still, she obviously cannot mention this, and is unwilling to, for it would pain her to acknowledge the truth behind the words. "R-right," she responds meekly, unable to look Tomoko in the eye. She nods in acknowledgement to Tomoko's apology in departure, left alone at her table once more until lunch finally comes to a close.

The rest of the day passes rather dismally for Akemi, who is quiet in her seat and quiet as she stands through art class, in which they are doing canvas work today. When the bell rings, it dawns on her that she will be walking home alone today, unlike the customary travel with Renji. Secretly, she had wanted to go with him to a small bakery that just opened on the way home. Now, though, the sweet pastries would probably taste bitter and ashen. Other people stand and laugh, looking satisfied with the first day of school or already complaining that summer cannot come too soon. Akemi walks stands up and grabs her school bag, isolated by her own inability to branch out. I hope that Renji is okay. I need to keep my distance though, she thinks miserably, walking out the front door of the school.

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The walk home is excruciatingly long without someone to speed the time up, leaving the mile-long length to feel as though it is inching along at a snail-like crawl. This is especially strange, as her motions are no slower, despite the fact that she is feeling very weak, and that the lingering heat of summer is not helping her current condition. In fact, it makes her begin to feel a bit nauseous again, though not so gut-wrenchingly painful as the knot which had been pulling before. Now the knot is a bit more loosely tied, and seems to have subsided in intensity for the time being. However, if this is anything like the last time she lost Renji, that temporary peace will be nothing more than that- temporary. It is a moment of respite before the true force of her complicatedly dependent and yet independent persona crashes down on the already thin shoulders of the young woman, who walks with a curve in her posture as though the sky has chosen her shoulders over those of Atlas today.

At the moment, she has certainly walked for no more than perhaps fifteen minutes, therefore only five minutes from her house and the solace of her bedroom, but she is already feeling the pain once more as she walks past an altogether too familiar home, located only a block or two away from her own. It is modest, reasonably for its small residency, and holds many memories for Akemi. She did her best to keep her gaze away from the place, by no means a masochist, but her eyes continuously dance back towards it, pained but slightly clingy, for she knows just as much as anyone else how long it can take to adjust, if one does so at all. There is a movement from the house, and she instantly rips her gaze away, not wanting to concern Renji or Mai, whichever may be the one who walks now. However, the attempt to focus her eyes elsewhere is in vain, for her eyes soon dart back towards that figure, only to confirm a hopeful dread that it is Renji. He stares straight at her, and the blue look is enough to stop Akemi in her tracks.

Her hands tighten around the straps of her schoolbag, tight enough for her knuckles to whiten once more, but she does her best to maintain a composed expression otherwise, holding back the nearly indomitable urge to call out to him, run up to where he is, do something. In fact, holding herself back feels as though she is forcing her head underwater, gasping for air that will not come but not allowing herself back up. The weight crashes down on her head and gives the young woman a sudden pain in the mind, though she dismisses it for her own weakness and the brightness of the day.

I'm worrying him- he wants me to go away. Why can't I move? I'm just standing here, like some hopeless fool. That's what I am, anyway- a hopeless fool, a leech and a monster. Why can't I move? she thinks desperately, feet like lead keeping her in spot as the horrifyingly painful staring match continues, pain no doubt clear in her features now, if she is too far for the emotion in her eyes to be seen.

(Clumsy writing, my apologies.)



The rest of the day was, at best, tiring. After having sashayed away from little Akemi to join the loud and rowdy table in which Rika sat (along with her gang of several other girls, followed by Rika's popular boyfriend and his little circle of goons), Tomoko had put on her most dazzling smile and plunged back into the world of gossip and trends and others of the shallow, trashy sort. She and Rika had some animated talks on the lastest fashion trends, new bands who provided cute guys, and all the things wrong with everybody else at the school ("Totally--stripes are so old. I don't know why Amane would even bother wearing them..." "Oh. My. Goodness. The Midnight Roses are so gorgeous. Especially Ryuuji...his eyes!" "I know right! Like, Misaki is never going to get anywhere dating Kaoru. I mean, he doesn't even..."). It was only natural, and perhaps even predictable, when the topic of Tomoko's engagement with Tetsuya came crawling back into the conversation.

She'd been greatly annoyed with the leaked information. It would prove to be such a huge hindrance towards her goal in pursuing Renji, and for a while, she was throughly convinced Tetsuya had something to do with it. He always did hate Renji, and perhaps the thought of Tomoko, another figure he despised, getting together with Renji evoked enough anger for him to try and spread the word of their engagement, so as to made it more difficult for the public to accept her relationship with Renji (when it came to that, of course). But then again, Tomoko considered this a rather low blow, as the information was bound to get out eventually (which was why she hadn't tried to strangle Tetsuya or anything drastic like that), and it wasn't like Tetsuya to try and speed up the inevitable. He was more of the unpredictable, change-not-a-shade-but-a-color kind of person. So naturally, Tomoko had her doubts. But three years was a long time, and things could have changed (some already did).

"So," came Rika's high voice, snapping Tomoko back into focus, "You and Koto-senpai. Or should I say...fiance?" She whispered the last word, and gave a little giggle.

Tomoko immediately flushed up, "Rika, not here," she murmured, averting her eyes with mock embarrassment.

"Aha!" she shrieked, causing some looks, "So you do like him! And all those years before, you were always hanging out with those Tsusawaga and Kanoshi losers." Tomoko decided against correcting Rika on Akemi and Renji's surnames, and instead ducked her head with a small, bashful "Rika!" Rika only giggled, but as Tomoko sneaked a glance upwards at the girl, she thought she spotted envy flashing in her pretty dark eyes. Hm.

"Glad to know you've improved your standards," Rika teased, "I call bridesmaid, 'kay?"

"Rika, we won't be w-wed until we graduate high school and maybe even college!" Tomoko said, still bright red, "And will you hush? I look like a cherry..."

Rika, Rika, Rika. The silly little girl. She looked down on Tomoko in such a superior, arrogant manner, as if secretly insulting, jeering at her, telling her she was the one who belonged with Tetsuya, all the while smiling and teasing her, pretending to be happy for her. She was so convinced that she was the puppeteer...Tomoko felt no anger or resentment. Just amusement. As of now, Rika was simply judging Tomoko in her mind, thinking she had left prying eyes. But if she were to ever try and attack, to solidify her need for revenge with petty rumors or weak bullying or whatever "aces" she had up her sleeves, Tomoko would retaliate. Not up front, of course. Secretly, in the night. She did have lots of connections and her position in the social ladder was quite high, not to mention she was a charmer (of people) and a speaker (of people) and a reader (of people). Why, how easy it would be to strip Rika of her quivering popularity...a few whispers here and there, a few emails and phone calls and some research...yes, even now, as she sat and laughed with her "best friend", her mind was already plotting.

You step out of line, you disobey the queen (for she was no Ice Princess, but an Ice Queen ), you pay double your intended malice.

She didn't make much of an effort to avoid Akemi or Tetsuya the rest of the day, not like to way the other two desperately tried to avoid her. But she didn't seek confrontation either. By the time the the bell rang, Tomoko's earlier stress had dulled considerably, and when she spotted Tetsuya waiting for her outside, she even offered him half a smile (the other half smirk). "Hey loser," she greeted casually once she was out of earshot of other students.

OOC: Heh heh... late post... *cough*

 

 

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