Sic Parvis Magna
- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- - Ω - -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -
❖ Experience the magic of roleplay and inspiration in the creative underworld thyself. It will prove mind-banishing for thee. ❖
- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- - -- - -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -
❖ Trust in thy heart: Thou will not regret it. ❖
- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- - -- - -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -
❖ Inscribe thou name to this fantastical phenomena. ❖
(Sign up now!)
- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- - Ω - -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -


(Welcome to the Underworld.)
 
HomeSearchCalendarFAQMemberlistUsergroupsRegisterLog in
❖ HAPPY NEW YEAR ROLEPLAYERS! ❖
❖ May 2014 bring even more brilliant, heart-wrenching creative works and many new wonderful memories to keep. ❖
Log in
Username:
Password:
Log in automatically: 
:: I forgot my password
Who is online?
In total there is 1 user online :: 0 Registered, 0 Hidden and 1 Guest

None

Most users ever online was 37 on Mon Oct 28, 2013 10:02 am
Latest topics
» Walton
Tue Jul 15, 2014 1:02 pm by OurStars

» Clockwork Winds
Sun Jun 22, 2014 12:23 am by SoraAngel

» Marked | 1x1 | SoraAngel x Nightingale
Sat Jan 11, 2014 1:23 am by SoraAngel

» Sincerest Apologies and Bright Promises
Mon Oct 28, 2013 11:18 pm by SoraAngel

» Music on Forum
Thu Aug 29, 2013 11:10 pm by ZephyrSolace

» S I G I L [Open for Sign-Ups]
Thu Aug 29, 2013 3:30 pm by Nightingale

» Romeo&Cinderella ♡ Roleplay
Thu Aug 22, 2013 11:00 pm by Nightingale

» Eden's Cage - Roleplay
Tue Aug 20, 2013 12:23 am by ZephyrSolace

» Dark Requiem | Role-Play
Fri Aug 09, 2013 1:15 pm by ZephyrSolace

Statistics
We have 37 registered users
The newest registered user is saintjoain

Our users have posted a total of 594 messages in 86 subjects
December 2017
SunMonTueWedThuFriSat
     12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
31      
CalendarCalendar
Sincerest Apologies and Bright Promises
Mon Oct 28, 2013 11:18 pm by SoraAngel


Dear Residents of this vast underworld,


How is everyone? May Hades smile down upon you all. He is most certainly not smiling down at me at this moment. But …


Comments: 0

Share | 
 

 Out to Pasture

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
ZephyrSolace
Guild Master
Guild Master
avatar

Posts : 43
Join date : 2012-12-17
Age : 20
Location : Tartarus Labyrinth

PostSubject: Out to Pasture    Wed Feb 06, 2013 11:52 pm

Out to Pasture

Seeds I have sown down here so deep
Benefits that I hope to reap
Can't let them put me in a bind
They'll try to over-graze my mind
Before I collapse in a heap

Must attempt to make one last leap
A martyr, heretic black sheep
Persecuted, leaving behind
Seeds I have sown!

A reputation to upkeep
Snatch me away without a peep
Herded to the chopping block blind
Rather this than what I can't find
Pasture of freedom, so I weep
Seeds I have sown...

A/N: I just wrote this poem today. I got the inspiration while thinking about my character for a roleplay.

_________________________________________________________________________


Thrown into the depths of Tartarus
Winding passageways of the Labyrinth
Root of all evil
Hear no evil...see no evil
Oblivion
Back to top Go down
View user profile
SoraAngel
Hades' Loyal Assisstant
Hades' Loyal Assisstant
avatar

Posts : 152
Join date : 2012-11-29
Age : 21
Location : The depths of the underworld.

PostSubject: Re: Out to Pasture    Wed Mar 13, 2013 6:55 pm


Ohmygoodness. Why have I not posted a reply here yet? Sorry about that. I was meaning to, but I never got around to it.

Let me just say that the structure of this poem trumps all the others here, really. The rhyme scheme is perfect and never sounds forced, and it flows very well. Each stanza has a different number of lines, but when being read, it's hardly noticeable because it fits together so well. You didn't stray from large words, and that was good, since they never interrupted the flow or anything.

I'll be honest and say I'm not entirely sure what the poem is talking about. However! There are kindling thoughts! And that's always great. So far, I do get that it's not necessarily about the pasture itself, but it's serving as an extended metaphor? To me, the "seeds" that are being sown are like that person's legacy, or influence that will impact the future.

From the first stanza to the second stanza, it seems like the speaker is exhausted, and perhaps taken away, forcing to leave behind his/her "seeds" that have been sown. Does the speaker die at the end? That's something I'm not sure about, but I feel like it's implied with the chopping block, "freedom" and the trailing off of "seeds I have sown". (Which is a very strong last line, by the way, especially after the apparent enthusiasm of the last line in the previous stanza.)

Beyond that, let's see... The "them" that's italicized... I have mixed feelings about that. I realize this was based off a roleplay character, so the "them" is probably someone in the roleplay that the speaker is referring to. But for some reason, since I emphasized "them" in my head, the line sort of lost it's vigor halfway. Because the reader doesn't know who "they" are, I feel like it would be all right to leave it there as a normal word without italicizing it. Then again, if you want to place emphasis on it as is, that's fine too - it may be a personal thing.

Great poem, kazu. The structure, secret meaning and slight enigma surrounding it gives it a feeling of a published or well-known poem. Kind of like this week's poem, "Gulf Memo" which I also don't understand completely. Kudos!

Hope my feedback has been at least somewhat useful :)
~ SoraAngel


_________________________________________________________________________

"No matter where we are, our hearts will bring us together again."
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://sic-parvis-magna.forumotion.com
 
Out to Pasture
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Sic Parvis Magna :: ❖ Elysium - Artifex Zone ❖ :: Writer's Workshop-
Jump to: